Update
Mood:  energetic
Well, it's been a while.  The school is going to get in trouble for mistreating me about my Asperger's.  I'm working out everyday.  My Japanese needs work, but I'm improving.  I'm crawling out of this slump.  Yay!  The hated Valentine's is over until next year.  I feel fine.

  Man, I hope I don't get depressed.  I've been feelin inadequate lately.  If I work hard enough I can do anything I want, though. I can do it!  I can become his friend!  I can make a comic!  I can do good! I can learn Japanese!

Letter
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: Tribute

Sorrel!

We got out of school early Friday because football is playing on the border of Missourie.  We got out at freakin eleven!  No work, I read then in English-History we watched "The Page Master."  I spent so much of the day at home reading Twilight.  At night I read foralmost four hours at once.  Man, it was a cool book.  Not much really happened, but I liked the way Edward reacted to everything.  The end was entertaining as well.  At Wal-Mart today I used the gift card I had left from last Christmas and bought the last copy of the third book in the series.  I have to collect that series.  ^_^  I feel like I'm going crazy because without you I have no one to interact with but myself.  It has led to me talking to myself a lot and also much frustration and rage.  Depending on my mood.  Sometimes it hurts so much to have no friends.  The sting makes me cry almost everyday.  I hate sounding so emo in my blog.  -_-  In my time before I find you I shall try and develop some useful skills.  No since in waisting away.  What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.  I swear so many things.  I swear.  ∞

Yo, boku ga Ki desu.

 

I should get an Ashton punching bag.  Then I can kick it everytime I get mad.  That would own.  I wonder if I can find a picture of her and tape it to something kickable.  Studying Japanese is still as fun as ever, though I don't really like the whole women's speach thing.  When I'm talking to you or myself I like to use boku, but when I in polite company (that is everyone but you and me) I must say watashi .  I don't think I'd ever say Ore unless I was really mad and/or challenging someone.  XD  Like that would happen. Boku is my favorite; casual, cool, and familiar.  Sadly, sometimes I must play by other's rules.  Honestly, I think I'd be more comfortable as a guy.  However, I'd be a mostly gay guy, so that might cause some problems.  -_-  Yeah.  Even the thought of big boobs literally makes me sick.  I know, strange reaction.  Maybe I should leave town and become a pirate.  That would own.  Then my life would be cool and risky and stuff.  And noone would care if I wore the same clothes everyday.  Seriously, changing clothes everyday is a chore.

Hm, today is my Birthday.  If I had friends I would have had a party.  It's just me and my family.  Shit, I remember last year.  The party I had seems like yesterday.  Ren and Ashton were here.  We stayed up all night and played around, writing things and having fun.  Being lonely's a bitch.  Even when you have a good day the night always has some sting to it.  Today will be cool.  Whatever.  Memories and crap.  Please Sorrel, I miss you.  There I go, thinking I'm special and deserving of pity or something.  Really, I'm just stupid and blowing my misfortune out of porportion.  It won't kill me.  Still, I admit that it's a good vent to whine about being in my worst days.   I will never give in.  Sorrel, if one year ago seems like yesterday, will the days until I find you seem as short?  Maybe they'll fly by.  I tell you one thing.  I'm sick of Pablo.  He throws around the word 'best friend'.  "Oh, Douglas, my best friend.--Oh, Caitlin my best friend.--Oh Kimberly my best frined."  That word is not a joke.  I'm also sick of my main therapist.  She just wants to argue with me.  One more screw up and she might just be fired form me.  I also hate my science teacher. She tries to teach us things that are either wrong or stupid.  She counts people late if they're right outiside the door when the bell rings.  She sucks.  Also, I still despise Ashton with every fiber of my being.  I wish she could feel as bad as I do with intrest.  Hm, on a roll much?  I'm also sick of all the people that pretend to care or just care about me a little bit.  I hate the people who hate and make fun of me for just acting the way I am.  If anyone finds out about anything I like, Damn I never hear the end of it.  "Oh, you like foxes?  Well, I kill foxes.  Cole kills foxes too!  Their pelts are worth X amount of money!"  or "That guy over there like cats.  OMG .  Cats of all things!"  I think I'm getting better a fooling people about my gender, though.  One guy on the street said "Hey, dude!"  and someone else kept calling me girl.  Also, someone in the lunchroom asked their friend if I was a guy or a girl. You know you're getting good if you're carrying a dark purple  messenger bag  and people are still puzzled at your gender.  Score!

 

It's easy really.  All you have to do is adopt the right mannerisms, speak little, and wear neutral clothes.  Then you're golden for tricking people!   For my birthday I wanted a Sapphire Pegasus tin of cards, Loveless Four, a graphics tablet, and a game for my sp.  Neh, I should save up and get a ds.  I hope I get everything, though now I feel a bit selfish.  XD  Oh well, I get cake and my favorite icecream.  It'll be good. 

Maybe I'll hang tight.  

 

I I feel like I have no right to be so sorrowful.  It's not like someone came and killed everyone I was ever close to.  It's not like I'm in North Korea.  Still, it feels like a blade.  I feel like I'd be made fun of if anyone else read these letters.  I sound stereotype emo.  I'm not emo.  I'm nothing.  Forget this.  Even if I have no right, I can't help but capture the eternal tears.  I may never find you.  Then what?  A life of nothing.  Burning regret hate of everything.  I wish Ashton was gone.  I wish I never had to see her again.  I hate her more than anything.  She makes my blood run cold.  I want to kick and kick and kick her.  Then drive the scissors that she used on me into her.  Sorrel, help me pull them out of my back.  It's starting to hurt and the blood makes a real mess.

Sorrel, you know how some people seem to have everything?  Do they really?   Some people have a best friend and several other friends surrounding them.  They get along fine wherever they go.  I wish I could interact like that.  I'm sick of all the bodies piling up around me.  One reject after another.  The ones who are nice will only be left to be forgotten.  What stupidity.  I'd travel the world searching for you.  You are nowhere.  I'm sick.  Sick.  I want an adventure.  A normal loser life until something happens where I obtain a best friend and a group of other people.  Then some crazy plot twist happens.  Then it's off to interesting land!  That'd be the ultimate.  Not much to say today.  Tomorrow is the end of the weekend.  I don't want to go to school, but I do have ISS so maybe it'll be a good day.  You know you've hit the bottom of the barrel when you're happy to be suspended because it's less painful than being around all those crazed plastic people who just don't care.  Them with their little friends.  I despise them.  Lonely.  I am so sick of everyday being the worst day!  When was the last time I really had a good time?!  Without worrying over being alone! 

Sorrel,
Mood:  sharp
  This cage.  I just want to beat the fire out of someone.  Why do I have to get so upset every night?  Because I know the next day will only be another sad, lonely day.   I'm tired of it.  I want to go ahead and find you and other friends.  I want to find adventure.  Alas, I am too young.  But what of when I'm too old?  Mom's box. That's the mystery.  She got it in the mail.  Could it be something for me?  Little things taking the sting out of a lonely life.  Please, anything but facing school on Monday.  Yes, I have ISS that day!  A vacation! 

Sorrel,
Mood:  not sure

  Sorrel, what will Heaven hold if we get in?  Will we be friends?   Will we have no free will?  It hurts to think that after this terrible life we will have a fake good one.  How can you know joy if you know no sorrow?!  I'd like to wish Heaven is a place full of things to do. Adventures, books, wandering.  Every fantasy lived out.  The  more I learn of Heaven the less appealing it seems.  I don't want my personality to change.  Please Lord, anything but that.  I still want to like languages and anime and traveling and such.  I still want to be friends with you. 
Eternity is hopeless.  It seems like God sits on his thone playing his game.  If you don't kill yourself you're stil in the game.  How far will it last?  It's stupid.  I just want to stay home tomorrow.  I don't want to trek back to the Hell within Hell.  The only positive is that every suffering is one closer 'till I get out.  One closer 'till I find you.  I'm so lonely.  It's unbearable pain.  No man would choose a friendless existence to get everything else in the world.  I'm am troubled.  I wish I could just stop thinking about it.  

Now Playing: I'm just a kid

Sorrel, everyday is worse.  Why don't I have a best friend to care about and be loyal to and vice versa?  No sleep, irregular eating habits, raving mind.  People should never take having a best friend for granted.  Long periods of loneliness erode the soul.  I'm torn between thinking something is wrong with me and something is wrong with the world.  Here's a wish.  I feel so close to  you and so far.  A peice has been torn from me.  I look at a forest and imagine you beyond the trees.  

 Today in art I sliced my thumb with a peice of glass.  It was on accident, though.  Still, it was messy.  I think I might be able to leave and study a foreign language after art.  Maybe I could take Japanese class!

 

Life is a nightmare.  You know, Nashville has the word Hell in it?  It is Hell.  I want to leave and never come back.  I never want to see this place again.  I want to go out into the world so I can find you, dammit.  I'm frustrated with this place.

 The dinosaur story seems to be going fine.  Thanks.  Feather and Stormy are just such cool characters.  Sugee!  Boku ga ryu to kyou ryu suki!  Heh, I might just be getting better.  

 

-Ki